The first time I remember my emotions getting out of control was when I was 7 years old and crossing a flooding river on horseback. I couldn’t swim, and I was deathly afraid of water because I had seen fences torn apart and animals drowning as a raging river passed our ranch house.
After a heavy rain, I helped my dad move our cattle to safety on the other side of the flooded river. As my horse and I moved further into the strong current, I felt very shaken. It seemed like both of us were drifting downstream. I saw calves being pulled into the current, and they risked drowning. All I could do was hold on to my saddle horn and hope my horse could save us.
My emotional brain kept sputtering until I got to the other side safely. It wasn’t a proud moment as I realized how completely my feelings had taken over my thinking. I was there to do a job, and I failed badly. It was my dad who took over and saved the calves.
As an FBI agent who carried a gun, I understood the importance of learning how to control the powerful emotional limbic brain when emotions are intense because the consequences could be much greater than losing a few calves to a flooding river.
You should do the same, whether you’re a CEO, a coach or a parent; find ways to use logic and persuade others to see your vision and cooperate. That’s why the great Stoics were such successful leaders.
Among various leadership styles, Stoicism has emerged as a powerful philosophy that enables leaders to develop emotional resilience, make informed choices and lead with integrity and humility.
Leadership is a complex and demanding role that requires a wide range of skills and qualities. Here’s how you can use stoicism to make you a more successful leader:
1. Strive for stoic calm
One of the fundamental principles of stoicism is the idea of the “stoic calm.” It describes the ability to remain calm and composed during difficult situations. Stoics believe that people should allow their emotions to drive them, but instead, they should rely on reason and logic to inform their actions.
Achieving stoic calm involves shifting your mindset to focus on reason, reflection and managing your responses to life’s events instead of being controlled by them. This requires emotional resilience, as most of us have experienced the emotional rollercoaster that happens when things don’t go as planned.
Stoicism helps leaders build emotional resilience. It encourages leaders to develop a sense of detachment from their emotions, helping them stay calm and steady under pressure. This detachment doesn’t mean leaders should suppress their feelings, but rather that they should learn to observe them objectively and respond in a rational, constructive way.
By demonstrating emotional resilience, leaders can inspire their teams to remain calm and focused in the face of adversity and work together to find solutions to complex problems. Doing so allows leaders to avoid becoming overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as fear, anger or frustration, and to stay focused on the task at hand. Stoicism also helps leaders maintain a positive attitude when faced with the unexpected. This boosts overall team morale and fosters a sense of camaraderie in the workplace.
Handle negative emotions by accepting, understanding and reframing them, rather than suppressing or ignoring them. This approach involves using judgment to pause, reflect and add perspective to emotional experiences, particularly those that are destructive, such as anger or sadness.
My tip:
- Daily reflection and journaling: Start your day by setting intentions and reflecting on the virtues you want to embody. End the day with an honest review—what went well, where did you slip up, and what can you improve?
- Respond, don’t react: When faced with emotional triggers, pause before replying.
- Take a breath, think it over, and choose a response based on logic instead of giving in to an impulsive reply.
2. Focus on what you can control
The starting point, of course, is knowing what you can control and what you can’t. Things within your control include your actions, attitudes and responses.
What is beyond your control are external events, such as the stock market, shifting market dynamics or your gene pool. Free yourself from the desire to control what is outside your circle of influence.
Once you figure this out, focus on what you can control — identify your problem, make a clear decision and then let go of everything else.
Much of our frustration and negativity comes from trying to make others think or act like us. Sure, we can influence people to some degree, but unless we’re workplace bullies, our power is limited.
By clearly mentally drawing lines between what’s within our control and what’s not, our frustration decreases. We feel more in control of our lives because our focus of control is smaller and simpler. And yes, calmer.
Cognitive science tells us that we can’t control the emotions that pop up, whether they are positive or negative. We don’t have a choice about what we are feeling. We do, however, have complete control over how we act on those emotions.
My tip:
- Take the time to identify what is within your control: your actions, attitudes and responses.
- Pinpoint times and examples of when you let frustration and negativity impact the things that are within your control.
- What could you have done differently?
3. Live a meaningful life
Stoicism teaches us that success, earning money and gaining admiration from others are not the true goals of life. It encourages people to live in the present moment, practice gratitude and focus on what really matters. By following these principles, individuals can find inner peace and lead a more meaningful life.
How does a person live a meaningful life, anyway? We start by spending considerable time reflecting on our values, principles and guiding forces that shape our lives. We decide the kind of person we want to be, not what social media or splashy ads tell us.
The key here is again deciding what those values are; deciding and imagining the person you want to be and become — someone who is different from your parents, siblings and those around you. You see yourself as the creator of your own present and future. These differ from the rules you might inherit from your parents or culture. You choose them, and you are responsible for practicing them every day.
Stoic leaders recognize that their authority stems from their decisions. We perform at our best when we believe we’re acting ethically, but we also have to accept that sometimes our actions will yield the desired results, and at other times, they won’t. We need to accept this because it’s a fact of life, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it.
Stoicism in leadership involves managing your circumstances and emotions, rather than allowing your emotions to control you. It’s about taking control of anxiety, practicing mindfulness and consciously seeing life as half-full instead of half-empty, focusing on perspective, learning and gratitude.
My tip:
- Reflect on what you spend the most time on during the day.
- Honor every hour of the day by prioritizing what is most important to you.
- Face what you fear. Comfort is the worst kind of slavery because you’re always worried that something or someone will take it away. But if you get used to your fears, they stop having the power to shake up your life. Stoicism is sticky!
Practicing stoic calm, focusing on what you can control and living a meaningful life are habits that align perfectly with Stoic principles. Over time, practicing these strategies transforms emotional crises into opportunities for growth, self-mastery and authentic leadership.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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