During a project meeting, John (Aggressor) dominated the conversation by dismissing other people’s ideas. Sarah (Victim) withdrew, saying that no one appreciated her input. Meanwhile, Mike (Rescuer) stepped in, trying to smooth things over and promising to fix everything. The result? Tension, resentment and a stalled project.
Leaders who understand the Drama Triangle are better equipped to coach individuals toward positive change and avoid getting entangled in unproductive drama.
In 1968, Stephen Karpman created a social model of human interaction, often called the Drama Triangle. It outlines three roles that individuals typically assume.
- Aggressor — blames, criticizes and dominates
- Victim — feels oppressed, helpless and powerless
- Rescuer — intervenes, often unnecessarily, to save the victim
The three roles are interconnected. The aggressive person creates a victim, and the rescuer jumps in to help the victim. It leads to unnecessary drama and unproductive behaviors.
The first thing leaders need to do is help people become more aware of the roles they are playing and the impact those roles have on themselves and others.
Aggressive individuals often try to dominate and control situations. They are self-proclaimed know-it-alls who frequently interrupt others and tend to be closed-minded. They believe their solution is the only way forward.
Actions to assist aggressive individuals in becoming more effective include:
- Describing their behavior. You talk over people. You interrupted four people during the meeting. You rejected Anthony’s idea even before he had a chance to explain it.
- Explain the consequences of their behavior. Aggressive individuals are often unaware of the negative impact their actions have on others. Coach them on the importance of building positive relationships with colleagues.
- Help them become more open-minded. Teach them to pause, listen and ask questions before reacting.
- Set clear expectations for interpersonal behavior as part of their performance reviews and development plans.
By helping aggressive individuals become more open-minded and less rigid, you enable them to be better collaborators and more effective team members.
Victims are quick to complain, whine and blame others for their problems. It is never their fault. Their outlook is doom and gloom.
These people often feel powerless, overwhelmed and unfairly treated. Left unaddressed, this mindset limits productivity and damages morale.
Actions you can take to help victims become more effective include:
- Describe their pessimistic comments and quantify their complaints. Do you realize that in the last 60 seconds, you’ve mentioned four complaints?
- Focus on the present and future. Victims often relive past events. Encourage them to identify their primary issue and outline their strategies for addressing it. Avoid getting bogged down in the details.
- Clarify expectations and responsibilities. Clearly define roles, duties and goals — and hold them accountable.
- Encourage them to concentrate on what they can control. They always hold power over their attitude, effort and actions they can take. Inspire a positive, can-do mindset.
- Recognize and reinforce progress. Celebrate small wins as they take steps toward personal responsibility and productivity. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and fosters the formation of new habits.
Do you have someone on your team (or in your life) who tends to fall into a victim mindset? How might you apply one or two of these actions in your next interaction with them?
By helping victims take responsibility and develop their capabilities, you empower them to become dependable.
Rescuers are the people who are highly motivated to help others. They are “people pleasers” and want to be liked and appreciated. Their typical response is, “Yes, I’ll help.”
Rescuers often overlook the time commitments associated with the various tasks and projects they volunteer to do. They usually take on too much and neglect their primary job responsibilities.
Actions you can take to help rescuers become more effective and productive include:
- Point out when they are intervening unnecessarily or taking over responsibilities that belong to others.
- Guide them on the significance of fulfilling their core job responsibilities.
- Encourage rescuers to provide suggestions to assist the person rather than assuming responsibility for the task.
- Help them realize the goal is for each team member to be capable, self-reliant and responsible.
- Acknowledge their willingness to help, but guide them on the importance of setting appropriate boundaries.
Do you have someone on your team who tends to say “yes” to everything? How has that impacted their effectiveness — and the team’s overall performance?
People move between roles
A victim may feel attacked and start responding with aggression, turning into an aggressor. A rescuer may feel overwhelmed and unappreciated, possibly taking on a victim role. An aggressive person may feel guilty and start to act like a rescuer.
Help people understand what is happening and what they need to do.
Also, avoid getting caught in the triangle. A common leadership trap is taking on the rescuer role — constantly solving team problems instead of empowering individuals to resolve their issues.
Which role do you tend to slip into? What actions will you take to be more effective?
Every workplace has its share of Aggressors, Victims and Rescuers. The question is: Will you continue the drama or be the leader who breaks the cycle?
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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