How to Use Positivity to Handle Tough Conversations

Contents

Key Takeaways The Hidden Cost of Negativity Lead with the Positive Identity You Want to Create The 10X Meeting: Lead with Energy, Leave with Clarity Part 1: Frame the Opportunity and Obstacles Part 2: Build Ideas with Positive Energy Part 3: Empower the Problem Owner Part 4: Review the Plan Your Energy Sets the Tone Related Reading

Founders see problems—but how you frame them shapes your culture. Here’s how to reframe challenges to energise your team and drive results.

Key Takeaways

Negative framing kills energy. Even when problems are real, how you describe them shapes how your team responds.
Framing shapes identity. What you say teaches your team who they are—and who they’re becoming.
Reframing is a leadership skill. Visionary founders learn to sell the destination, not just highlight the problem.
The 10X Meeting is a powerful tool. Use it to co-create clarity and motivation when things aren’t working.

You’re sitting down with a team member whose performance has been slipping.

It’s the kind of conversation most people dread.

You want to be honest, but you don’t want to crush their motivation.

One option is to give it to them straight:

“Listen, you’re not meeting expectations, so I want to run through this checklist of things I want you to work on.”

But there’s another way to frame the conversation—one I’ve used to radically turn situations around:

“I’m really excited about this conversation. I want you to leave with 10X more motivation, 10X fewer things on your plate, so you can get 10X more results.”

The conversation has the same content, but it’s framed completely differently.

Not only does it focus on an exciting outcome, it feels like solving something together, rather than adding more tasks to their plate.

Whenever I do this, the under-performer leaves the meeting lighter, clearer, far more energised.

And if you want action and change to happen, that’s exactly what you need.

The Hidden Cost of Negativity

As a founder, you’re built to see problems.

You walk into a meeting and your brain immediately goes to what’s broken.

Honestly, it can feels more like a curse than a gift.

“Why can only I see this?!”

But the way you share your observations makes a big difference.

Leading with negativity impacts how people feel about themselves, even when it’s unintentional:

“We’re behind.”
“This isn’t good enough.”
“We always drop the ball here.”

Here’s a real example from a founder addressing their team after successfully closing their Series B funding round:

“Everything we’ve done so far has been like we were in kindergarten. Now it’s our first day of school.”

The founder meant, “We need to level up,” but it backfired.

What the team heard was, “All the work we did before doesn’t count.”

And if people leave demotivated, you won’t get their best work.

Lead with the Positive Identity You Want to Create

There are many ways to tell a story. As a founder, you get to choose which one.

Negative framing often anchors people in a fixed identity, while positive framing starts with an inspiring identity that people want to become.

Here are some examples:

Missed a goal: “We dropped the ball.” → “We’re a team that hits our targets. This is a chance to learn and prove it next time.”
Onboarding new recruits: “This process is broken.” → “We’re a company that can bring on new hires quickly. This is our chance to build a world-class experience.”
Performance slipping: “People aren’t stepping up.” → “We’re building a team of A-players, and this is when we support each other to raise the bar.”
Strategic misalignment: “No one gets it.” → “We’re a business with an important mission—this is where rowing together will help us move faster.”

The power of reframing is so powerful that at my company we have a special type of meeting just to build energy: we call it the 10X Meeting.

The 10X Meeting: Lead with Energy, Leave with Clarity

Big problems don’t just need a great plan—they need great energy.

So whenever we face a particularly hairy problem, we schedule a 10X Meeting.

It’s a simple structure designed to raise the energy levels around a challenge so we create something incredible.

Every 10X meeting starts with a sentence like this:

“The goal is to leave the room with something 10X better than what we walked in with.”

It works for any problem, and there are four stages:

Part 1: Frame the Opportunity and Obstacles

Name the opportunity i.e. the “promised land” and then brainstorm any obstacles in getting there.

Part 2: Build Ideas with Positive Energy

Aim to spend 80% of the meeting in brainstorm-mode. As a leader, you need to bring as much energy and belief as you can so people can’t help but join in.

Part 3: Empower the Problem Owner

With 10 minutes left, invite the problem owner to share their favourite ideas and commit to sharing their 10X Plan with all participants after the session.

Part 4: Review the Plan

After the meeting, the problem owner circulates the plan and asks for feedback. This creates accountability and gives others a chance to catch anything missed.

The 10X Meeting is about addressing hard problems in the most positive and energising frame possible.

Whenever we schedule one, everyone is excited to join in.